


Desperate Longing

by SilverFox89



Series: From Then to Now [26]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, emotionally unbalanced Shikamaru, extremely ill Neji, worried but supportive friends and families
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:19:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFox89/pseuds/SilverFox89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shikamaru feels like his whole world has shattered into a million pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperate Longing

**Author's Note:**

> 30 Day OTP Challenge for the Fluff Impaired Prompt #26: I need you.
> 
> Okay, so I'm really, really sorry that this is so late. Real life decided to bust in with a vengeance so yeah
> 
> Anyway, this story is a tear jerker. For added effect you should probably find and listen to Trisha Yearwood's 'How Do I Live'.

Shikamaru could have sworn that his whole world shattered into a million pieces when he found Neji collapsed, face down, on the kitchen floor. He bolted to the Hyūga's side and pressed shaky fingers to the older man's throat to find his pulse and Shikamaru nearly blacked out from the strength of his relief when he felt it, weak and thready but there. The Nara turned his lover over carefully and checked his breathing. It was weak and Neji would occasionally let out a rasping gasp, as if he were struggling for air. A quick search for injuries turned up a bandaged section of Neji's shoulder. Shikamaru cut away the bandage and the stitched wound he found there was already an angry red - an indication of an infection having set in. Shikamaru hissed a breath out in rage as a thought occurred to his. The medic that treated Neji's shoulder had not done the job right.

 

The younger shinobi was quick to haul the slightly larger and heavier male into his arms. He steadied himself and then Shunshined to the hospital as fast as he could. When he entered the emergency room lobby he saw Sakura - who had just clocked in - and called out to her even as he sank to his knees to check on his lover. "Sakura! I need your help! Something is wrong with Neji!"

 

The young medic rushed over to his side. "What are his symptoms?"

 

"I found him already collapsed in the kitchen. His pulse is weak and thready. He's having trouble breathing. I found a stitched wound on his shoulder that I think an infection has set in to," Shikamaru replied.

 

The woman checked the Hyūga's pulse and breathing with deft hands even as Shikamaru spoke and her hands glowed with healing chakra. Her eyes grew even more concerned as she ran her hands over Neji's shoulder and chest. Sakura started to yell instructions over her shoulder. "Get a gurney out here, stat! I need someone to find Tsunade-shishou and tell her that she's needed in surgery room 3! I need Yamanaka Ino found and informed that I suspect poison may be a factor in the collapse of a patient! I want the teammates of Hyūga Neji found and brought in as soon as possible to be examined for traces of poison as well. And someone get me the name of the idiot that treated them. I'm going to kill that person myself later!"

 

Sakura turned her head to look at Shikamaru. Her eyes were sympathetic but unyielding and he knew what she was going to say before she said it. "You need to stay here, Shikamaru. I hate to say this, but you'll only be in our way if you came with him."

 

Shikamaru grimaced but nodded and released Neji as a gurney was rolled up beside the trio on the floor. The medics quickly transferred Neji from his lap to the gurney and wheeled the Hyūga out of the lobby. Shikamaru and Sakura stood and the woman eyed the Nara seriously as she said, "Tsunade-shishou, Ino and I will do everything we can for him."

 

"I know all of you will," Shikamaru rasped. "You had better get going. They're going to be waiting on you to get in there to help treat him."

 

Sakura nodded once before she turned and disappeared behind the double doors. Shikamaru slowly walked over to the padded benches and sank down on to one. Poisons, he knew, could be tricky to not only counter but completely cure as well. He knocked his head back against the wall as he tightly closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Crying would not do him or Neji any good right now.

 

Ino burst into the lobby of the emergency room five minutes later. Her eyes widened when she saw the Nara sitting in the waiting room and she crossed the room to stand in front of him worriedly. "Shikamaru?! What are - Oh, oh no. It's Neji isn't it?"

 

Shikamaru nodded, unable to make his voice work at first. Finally he croaked out, "Sakura has him in surgery 3."

 

Ino bent down and pressed a kiss to the Nara's brow. "I'll do whatever it takes to save him. I promise, Shikamaru. Poison expert, remember?"

 

Shikamaru smiled tightly. "I remember. Get going. Sakura and Tsunade need your help."

 

"Okay. If you need anything just get a hold of Kiba. He'll be more than willing to help you."

 

"I will."

 

* * *

 

Time seemed to pass slowly as ten minutes became thirty, as thirty minutes turned into an hour. Shikamaru had started to pace by the time two hours had passed. He barely noticed when Hiashi, Hinata, and Hanabi joined him in the waiting room.

 

Hinata rushed over to him with tears in her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. "We only just got the news that Neji was hospitalized! Oh, Shikamaru, I'm so sorry we weren't here sooner! We would have never left you here on your own for so long if we had known!"

 

"Not your fault," Shikamaru rasped as he hugged her back.

 

Hanabi was quick to attach herself to the Nara after Hinata let him go. "Do you know how he is?"

 

Shikamaru shook his head. "I haven't seen anyone since his teammates were rushed in. They didn't look as bad as Neji did when I found him but they didn't look good either."

 

"Do they suspect poison? That's the only reason I can think of that would have a whole team re-hospitalized," Hiashi said.

 

Shikamaru nodded as his mother came in with Shino right behind her. She put both hands on her son's shoulders. "It's going to be okay, Shikamaru. Neji's strong. He'll pull through."

 

Shino spoke up before Shikamaru could reply, "I went looking for your mother when Hinata and I got the news. I thought you would need her here during this trying time. I passed the news to Kiba as well. He said he would inform the rest of our friends. They will get here when they can I would imagine."

 

Shikamaru nodded tightly in thanks. He pulled away from the group that had formed and started pacing again.

 

Hiashi took over and told them what little news Shikamaru had been able to give him. He did this a couple more times as the others appeared over the course of the next two hours since Shikamaru had taken to ignoring them and watching the emergency room double doors after Lee and TenTen had come. Naruto, Sasuke, and Kiba were the last to arrive, each holding bags with takeout from Ichiraku's. Naruto set the bags he held in his hands down on a bench and hugged Shikamaru tightly. He gently guided the Nara back to the benches and made him sit down.

 

"I know you're worried, Shikamaru, but staring at the doors won't make the time pass any quicker," the Hokage candidate said softly. "Anyway, I brought food for everyone. Sasuke and I had just sat down at Ichiraku Ramen when Kiba appeared and told us. When Tuechi-jiji heard what happened he made a bowl of ramen for each of us - on the house. He wanted me to tell you and Neji's family that he and Ayame are praying for Neji's recovery."

 

"We are grateful for Ichiraku-san's kindness and generosity," Hiashi said. "We will shall return the favor one day."

 

"He'd be happy if you guys just came to sit down for a meal and talked with him," Sasuke said, shrugging.

 

"He made the of ramen bowls small since he didn't think anyone would be very hungry because of how worried everyone would be right now. Eat, Shikamaru. Knowing you, you probably haven't had anything since breakfast. And don't tell me you're not hungry. You need to keep your strength up until Neji's better or he'll kill all of us for not making sure that you were taken care of. Your fiancé is seriously mental when it comes to your health and I have absolutely no intentions to face a severely pissed off Hyūga Neji. His Jūken strikes are no joke," the Uzumaki said as he pressed a bowl into Shikamaru's hands with a shudder.

 

Shikamaru chuckled weakly. "He can be pretty scary when he wants to be."

 

"No kidding. Now eat or Ino will have a conniption fit long before Neji wakes up. Her yelling is seriously murder on people's ear drums," Naruto demanded.

 

"Yeah, yeah. Not even Hokage yet and you're already bossing me around."

 

* * *

 

Another two hours passed and a good portion of the people in the waiting room jerked out of light doses when the sound of one of the doors opening reached them. Ino came out and closed the door with a tired smile. "Neji and the rest of his team have all pulled through."

 

There were sighs of relief from everyone and Hiashi stood. "Is he allowed visitors?"

 

"Only one for the foreseeable future," she said with a shake of her head. "Neji's case was touch-and-go for a while and his immune system took a bad hit because of the poison. We don't want a lot of people going in and out of his room until he wakes up. Hiashi-sama, you, your family and Shikamaru will need to discuss who will be Neji's permanent visitor. There are going to be a lot of protocols to follow each and every time that person goes to see Neji."

 

The Hyūga family members exchanged looks before nodding in silent agreement. Hinata chose to speak for them. "We think Shikamaru should be the one who goes to see Neji. They are fiancés after all."

 

Shikamaru gave her a small but grateful smile and Ino nodded. "All right. I'll tell the staff to release his medical records to Hiashi-sama so you can get a better idea of what his condition is like and how he's doing as time goes by."

 

Hiashi bowed his head in thanks.

 

Ino looked over at Shikamaru as she opened the emergency room door for him. "Let's go, Shikamaru. I need to go over all of the rules and protocols you'll need to follow while you're in here."

 

The Nara followed the blond medic to a set of padded benches and Ino gestured for him to take a seat, her face blank as she pulled up a chair in front of him and sat down across from him.

 

Shikamaru rasped quietly, "Ino, what didn't you tell us?"

 

Ino sighed softly. "Neji is in a coma, Shikamaru."

 

The Nara's face went abruptly sheet-white. "What?"

 

Ino took a deep breath. "The type of poison that was used on Neji is a slow acting poison that attacks the red blood cells and prevents them from absorbing oxygen. Once it got into his blood stream the poison began to spread a little more rapidly as it got distributed by his heart and began to affect his lungs. Normally these types of poisons are gaseous and while they aren't exactly fast acting, they are not this slow either. But evidently someone has been playing with this particular poison for a while since it was introduced through his wound. Sakura and Tsunade-sensei are already working on the releasing a report and the necessary items needed to make the antidote should anyone else come up against this poison."

 

"What does this mean for Neji and the team he lead, though?" Shikamaru asked hoarsely.

 

"Neji's team is going to be okay. They got off mildly with only scratches really, which means they did not have nearly as much of the poison in their systems. Enough to make them ill though. Neji, on the other hand, had a much deeper wound for the poison to get into and he was already cyanotic by the time I got here. We were forced to pump him full of antidotes that would affect the poison and slow it down even if it was only just a little bit. We put him on pure oxygen while Tsunade-sensei and Sakura worked on removing the poison from his body. Not a pleasant experience, I can tell you. It was touch-and-go for a while, like I said before. A few times I honestly thought we would loose him but he managed to pull through somehow. However, Neji's body is very weak right now, Shikamaru. And while I want to tell you that he'll wake up soon that would be a lie. Comas are tricky to try to predict. He might wake up tomorrow or he might not wake up for weeks, months even."

 

"I've heard that comas can last for years," Shikamaru said.

 

"That's true, but it also depends on how much damage there may have been done to his brain by a lack of properly oxygenated blood. It might only be a little -"

 

"Or worse," Shikamaru finished for her. "Will someone be telling Neji's family personally?"

 

"Tsunade-sensei will be the one to tell them. I thought it might be better if you heard it from me," Ino said. "Anyway, protocol. You'll be registered for a pass card soon to wear around your neck so no one tries to kick you out of the Special Care Ward of the ICU whenever you're here without me, Sakura, or Tsunade-sensei. It will have two seals on it. The first seal is the one that will get you into Neji's room. The second seal will be attuned to your chakra signature alone and it will activate the first seal when you channel chakra through it. Everyone with the necessary clearance to be in his room will have one but yours will be the only visitor pass. You with me so far?"

 

Shikamaru nodded, "Basically, always have my pass on me."

 

"Yep. When you first come into the ICU you'll be expected to sign in. The nurse on duty will confirm your identity with a series of questions that will I have picked before hand. They are subject to change to prevent anyone from impersonating you to get to him and may get a bit personal so be prepared for it. The nurse will take you to the showers the first day to show you which locker you will be using so long as you're visiting Neji. The locker will have soap, shampoo, towels, wash cloths, hospital scrubs, masks and slippers for you to use. They will each have their own separate compartments and you shouldn't touch the towels, scrubs, masks or slippers until after you shower and need to dry off. The soaps and shampoo bottles are all one time use and stored in bags individually to prevent the others from becoming contaminated. I'd bring some socks and underwear to be washed and stored there as well. Bring a bag with your name on it to store your day clothes in. Your clothes go in the bag before you shower and you don't touch it afterwards. The nurse at the station will put it behind the counter until you're ready to leave.

 

"When you shower scrub down thoroughly, Shikamaru. While we do have seals to help protect our patients from the spread of germs we don't want to take any chances that something may have managed to hitch a ride on you. When you're done and completely dressed you'll go back to the nurses' station and retrieve your pass. You'll be leaving it there when you leave the ICU."

 

"Fair enough," Shikamaru rasped.

 

"A couple last things and we'll get started. I don't think it needs to be said but it's protocol. DO NOT pull on or remove his oxygen mask, his IV, any of the wires attached to him, the oxygen monitor on his finger, or his catheter. DO NOT on any occasion come here if you have caught an illness or have had a fever or if you have been around anyone with either condition. If you do get an illness, a fever or have been around someone with one or the other you will need to be cleared by a medic from the ICU before you can return. Neji cannot get sick right now, Shikamaru. An illness could and probably would kill him at this point in time," Ino said firmly.

 

Shikamaru nodded before he closed his eyes tightly and cradled his head in his hands, his elbows digging into his lower thighs. He sucked in a shaky breath and felt Ino sit down beside him. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested her cheek on his head as he tried to calm himself and prevent himself from breaking down. She didn't say a word as they sat there, together, for about twenty minutes before Shikamaru pulled away. He said thickly, "I should probably get that shower now."

 

"True. I'll get the things you'll need while you're getting registered and then I'll show you were to go," Ino said as she stood up.

 

* * *

 

When Shikamaru entered Neji's mostly dark room he leaned against the door, unable to go any further for a moment. He just watched the comatose Hyūga breath slowly and steadily for several long minutes. It was just as Ino had said. Neji was covered in wires and other assorted items meant to monitor his condition. He lifted his eyes to study the room and found that it was covered in seals. The blinds were tightly closed. The only light sources in the room were the heart monitor and a dim lamp that was used by the medical personnel so that they could see what they were doing without disturbing patients or sleeping visitors.

 

When he finally gathered his courage, Shikamaru crossed the distance from the door to the chair by the older man's bedside. He sank down into the soft chair that was meant for long term visitors and reached out to tuck some loose strands of hair behind the Hyūga's ear. He slid his hand away and gently grasped Neji's hand carefully so as to not dislodge the IV and oxygen monitor. The Nara curled himself against the bed and a sob caught in his throat. Then the tears came, twin trails running hot and fast down his cheeks, sparkling as they caught what little light there was. Shikamaru sobbed silently until he fell asleep at his fiancé's side, too exhausted to do anything else. He didn't even stir when an older nurse walked in to check on Neji and she soon draped a soft, warm blanket over him with a sad sigh.

 

She'd seen many couples who had been put in the same situation and it never got any easier to watch them suffer in silence, like this young man was suffering now.

 

* * *

 

Someone was talking, the words faint and indistinct at first but steadily gaining coherency in the form of a man's voice.

 

"…then Naruto starting chasing Kiba all over the market district. Sasuke and Ino really need to get collars for those two. And Sasuke can deny it all he wants but I've seen the way he looks at Naruto now. It's about damn time that the bastard just confesses to Naruto already. It's gotten to the point were I just want to shove them into sealed closet or something…" the person who had been talking trailed off for an indeterminable amount of time. Finally, there was a faint noise that sounded like…crying? Was the man crying? Why? Then, "Please…please wake up, Neji. It's already been two weeks and I miss you so much."

 

Oh… Well that explained a little bit.

 

"Gods… I don't know how I'm supposed to get through the days without you. If you were on a mission that would be one thing, but…you're right here in front of me and there's nothing I can do but hope you'll get better. Do you remember when you told me a little over a year ago that I was your everything? I never told you that you were my everything too, Neji," the man said, his voice thick and husky. "It's so hard to get out of bed these days. I'm so damn tired…all the damn time. I know that might seem like the norm for me but this…this is different. Ino says that it's depression setting in."

 

That didn't sound very good. Was he really that important to this man?

 

"She was debating as to whether she should have been putting me on medication to counteract the depression for the duration of your hospitalization or not. I read over the list of side affects and told her no, straight out. The last thing I need is to be put on medication that will get me put on suicide watch. I'm not going to risk my life like that."

 

Well good. Suicide is no way to go.

 

"Especially when you're getting stronger. Well, at the very least your body is. I have no idea what's going through your mind."

 

Curiosity as to the identity of my mystery speaker…

 

"Hell, I've got no clue as to whether you can even hear me talking to you or not…"

 

At first, Neji thought that the other man had trailed off. Then, he realized that he couldn't hear the heart monitor beeping anymore. He knew nothing more after that.

 

* * *

 

The next time Neji became aware he felt warm, wet skin pressed against his arm. He felt a hand on his own, the thumb rubbing over the back consistently. The person who had been lying on his arm moved with a shaky breath and Neji heard him curse, the voice familiar, but the man's name continued to elude him. Then the man released a soft self depreciating laugh.

 

"You'd think I'd have run out of tears by now. Turns out they never seem to stop. Gods, I'm so tired of crying."

 

There was a long silence. Finally, "I haven't been able to keep anything down recently. Sakura, Ino, and Tsunade-sensei have all tried different methods but I can't even take the anti-nausea medication without dry heaving for thirty minutes or more."

 

Unpleasant, I'm sure, and a bit worrying too.

 

"It's gotten harder for me to find the energy to do anything anymore. I think that I'm beginning to just not care anymore as to whether I wake up or not after I finally manage to fall asleep."

 

That is definitely not good. Those kinds of thoughts are dangerous. Trust me, I know all about them since I suffered under the hands of the Clan Elders.

 

"It feels like there's a hole in my chest whenever I hear any medics other than Ino, Sakura, or Tsunade-sensei talk about you. You've already been in a coma for a month and a half, Neji, and they're beginning to think that you won't ever wake up," the other man said with a watery sigh and a rustle of clothes.

 

Why didn't the medics think he was going to wake up? And a month and a half? It had been a _month_ since the last time he'd been aware?

 

There was a sound like someone running a hand through their hair. "Your brain activity has dropped and if it keeps dropping…they'll have to consider taking you off of life support. You've only got another month and a half before the staff will call for a vote to reevaluate your condition, Neji. If you haven't gotten better by then…then, no matter how good of a shinobi you are, the hospital will consider you to be a liability with no chance of recovery."

 

Neji felt himself go cold. A liability? But how? He could hear the person talking to him just fine. He could feel the warmth of this man's hand on his own. He just couldn't seem to open his eyes.

 

"That means that the hospital will consider you to be a body that's merely taking up space, time, equipment, and medicine. And since we're not married I can't stop them from going to your uncle and trying to convince him to pull the plug. You've been breathing fine on your own but if they convince him to take out the IV and catheter… It's a slow way to go unless they get permission from your uncle to give you something that will make you 'pass on' painlessly, Neji," the man spat furiously.

 

Neji felt the hand on his tighten and then there were lips at his brow, dry and rough and so very, very familiar.

 

"I love you, Neji, so, so much," the man said, his voice thick and wavering now.

 

Oh. So that's what he'd meant by when he called him his everything.

 

Softer, the man continued, "and if you don't get better you won't be the only person Konoha looses when they pull the plug."

 

No. No, surely he didn't mean that he'd -

 

"If you die, Neji, I honestly don't think I'd last very long without you. I always thought that the stories of people from broken hearts were bogus," he said with a soft, stunned, watery laugh. "But now? Maybe there's some truth to the stories I heard after all. It feels like I'm losing the other half of my soul when I hear them talking about just 'letting you go'. Can someone survive with only half a soul? And if so, how? How does that person find the motivation to get up every day? How does that person find the strength to keep living when their soul is torn in two? Better yet, why? Why would anyone want to live that way?!"

 

Neji heard a wild, strangled noise before he realized that it was a sob and he felt a sudden weight on his chest.

 

"Neji, how am I supposed to live without you?! How am I supposed to get through the rest of my life without the one person I need more than anything else in this world?! I need you, Neji! I need you here with me, alive and healthy and whole," the man gasped out. "I need you so much that it feels like it's killing me from the inside, out!"

 

Suddenly, the man's voice wasn't just familiar. Neji remembered. He remembered the name of the man now sobbing on his chest, his hands tightly clenched in the scratchy fabric of the hospital gown. He remembered what this man looked like when he smiled, when he laughed, when he was scared, when he was angry. But more importantly, he remembered how this man looked like when he cried as he was doing now. It was an image that caused his heart to clench in pain because he hated to see Shikamaru in pain. Neji hated it with every fiber of his being. The Nara rarely cried and when he did it was only when he felt something too strongly for him to hold the tears back.

 

Neji grit his teeth in frustration and nearly froze in shock. He had moved. Now all he had to do was do it again. He would not leave Shikamaru to keep going like this, to continue to suffer like this. It took more willpower and energy to move his right arm than Neji had expected but he considered it to be energy well spent when he finally managed it. He pressed his fingers against Shikamaru's own fingers that were still fisted in the material covering him and Neji felt the Nara jerk.

 

"Neji?" he heard Shikamaru breath out. Then his voice came out higher and wavering, "Neji?!"

 

The Hyūga weakly slid his hand over his lover's and squeezed to let the Nara know that he'd been heard, to let the Nara know that he wasn't going to be left behind. Shikamaru's stunned and happy laugh was the last thing he heard before exhaustion dragged him back down into darkness. And he gave in with a soft smile. He knew he would be stronger the next time he woke up. Strong enough to open his eyes at the very least.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy ending! Please don't kill me!
> 
> Right, the kidding a side, I hope you all enjoyed the story.
> 
> And I have a question. Prompt #28 is 'celebrating a holiday' and I wanted to do a traditional Japanese holiday. Problem is that I don't know which one to choose. Will you guys help me?
> 
> The holiday with the most votes will be the one I research for #28.


End file.
